Degrees of Freedom
by Nervous.Squid
Summary: Oneshot Series: statistically degrees of freedom is the number of values in the final calculation that are free to vary. Stories will be Canon, AU, long, short. #1 Artemis was never late for stuff before. Not before a certain someone rubbed off on her. #2 Wally and assassin-babies don't mix well.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

 **Hello... ok I'm still awkward at these and don't know what to say.. or if anything should be said at all.**

 **I decided to write a series of oneshots of various lengths to practice writing different tones/scenes/sequences etc. soooo.. this is the first one that came up.**

 **I hope you enjoy it and I would love some feedback on my writing, I wanted to polish the old writing skills before I dove into big projects, so whether it's about formatting, spelling, plotting, word use I would love to hear about what is working and what isn't working.**

 **Wow you made it this far down the Author's note, thank you now the story awaits -**

 **Disclaimer: Nothing you recognise is mine**

* * *

Empty.

That is how Artemis found her previously packed suitcase when she woke up this morning.

Which is why Artemis was tearing through the dark crevices of the bedroom looking for the missing garments. The sparse sunlight that had managed to creep past the heavy curtains was the only thing aiding her search. She stopped for a moment, sitting down on the floor in defeat when her search yielded only two t-shirts and a pair of washed out shorts.

Artemis avoided looking at the clock perched on her dresser. Each twitch of the second hand only teased the terrors awaiting her if she missed the trip M'Gann and Zatanna had planned. She would rather avoid the wrath of a disappointed Martian and a peeved sorceress who knew _exactly_ where she lived.

She released a strangled sigh as she glared at the sleeping form bundled up in the warm covers on the bed. She recognized the culprit's handiwork from past experience. In the back of her mind, she felt a tingle of warmth spread, knowing what he was trying to do by hiding her things but that warmth was rapidly _engulfed_ by the flames of her irritation.

"Artemis…"

Artemis' steel eyes snapped to focus, turning to the voice coming from somewhere beneath the tangle of sheets and blankets.

She did her best to employ the anger management techniques Conner was telling her about the other week,

 _Inhale…_

She stalked towards the bed, biting back any unruly comments struggling to erupt from her.

 _Exhale…_

She sat herself next to him.

 _Inhale…_

She could make out the faint shadow of freckles dusted over his face in the dim lighting. His eyes were hidden under the tangled mess of red hair but she could see from the steady rise and fall of his chest that he had likely fallen back asleep.

 _Exhale…_

Without missing a beat, she had grabbed the nearest pillow and smacked him with it, a loud thud echoing in the room, followed by a string of muffled complaints.

"Well, good morning to you too?" he mumbled, forcing himself to sit up. Artemis' attack left him rubbing the back of his head with one hand and his eyes with the other.

"Wally, where are the rest of my clothes?" she said, before he had time to crack any jokes.

Wally froze, cautiously taking note of the lack of humor in her voice.

Her hands rested in her lap but her eyes glinted in a way that promised another attack was imminent unless he could muster up enough brain power this early in the morning to understand what on earth she was talking about.

He stared at her blankly until the realization broke across his features. Artemis maintained her glare while a wide grin broke across his face.

"I've hidden them… somewhere you'll never find them, muahahaha" he said, laughing in an overly dramatic fashion simultaneously removing the rest of the pillows from her reach before she noticed.

"They're not in the flower pots" she said, nose scrunching up at his habitually strange behavior "or the fridge, so where are they?"

"I still can't believe you found them in the fridge last time" he laughed mostly to himself, recalling his ingenious hiding spots.

"Wally, I don't need the _pillows_ to make you tell me" she said, eyeing the pillows he was trying to take away from her.

"Just let me get changed first and-"

"No" she said, clamping a hand around his forearm thwarting his escape, "Absolutely not! Don't even think about taking your shirt off and distracting me while I'm mad at you"

"Well, I was going to change in private _but_ " he said, leaning in closer, a smirk forming on his face, " _distracting_ you sounds far better than whatever I was going to do"

"I don't have time for distractions" she said, fighting to keep a smirk off her face by recalling whose neck would be on the chopping block if M'Gann and Zatanna seek retribution for ruining their plans.

"You have three days off from work" he said, his eyes growing dark and his nose almost brushing her own.

"Three days that I'll be spending with M'Gann and Zatanna" she reminded him. She shoved him backwards to repossess her lost breathing room, "So tell me where my stuff is already"

"No can do, babe, I'm keeping your stuff hostage for the foreseeable future" he said, nursing the shoulder she had hit, grinning at her wholeheartedly.

Artemis refused to return his grin, eyeing the pillows beyond her reach, calculating if she could beat his super-speed and grab one. Before she could decide, a gush of wind passed by and all of the pillows were now missing from the bed. She blinked and found Wally had returned to the same position as before, grin still cemented in place.

"Just in case you got any ideas" he said triumphantly.

Artemis swung her left arm at him anyway but he caught her mid swing. Artemis cursed his super speed under her breath. Wally ignored her attempts to free her captured limb instead he ran his hand along its length to play with the silver band adorning her hand. She huffed in irritation and pulled her hand out of his for good measure.

"Babe, violence is never the answer in hostage situations" he said, as if teaching a vital life lesson, "the only way your stuff will make it out of this is _if_ you comply to my demands"

"…No" Artemis said flatly, refusing to play heroes and villains with her husband while her life was potentially on the line. She stared at him with her arms firmly crossed over her front, an eyebrow raised at his antics.

"C'mon Artemis, you're leaving me alone for a _whole_ weekend _and_ a half, so the least you could do is play along" he whined, grabbing hold of her arms and pulling her closer towards him.

Artemis' eyes narrowed at his attempts to guilt her into playing along. She could feel her irritation brewing as the guilt started to niggle at her conscience.

"No" she persisted, pushing down whatever guilt was starting to eat away at her. Unhappy Martians and troll-like Magicians trumped her sulky husband.

"Alright, alright" he said, raising his hands up in defeat, "you drive a hard bargain. Soooo... I'll lessen it to only one demand"

"Wallace _Rudolph_ West" she seethed, "I will start using my arrows on you if you don't-"

Whatever she wanted to say died on her tongue once Wally pressed his lips firmly onto hers. Suddenly, she felt her head start to spin.

His hands ran up her arms, steadying her before she fell against their headboard. She briefly felt him smirk against her lips before his mouth began to move fervently against hers.

She was still dazed before the lack of oxygen forced her to break off their kiss. She peeked at her husband to find green eyes filled with a swirl of mirth and something she couldn't place at the moment. His eyes seemed to turn darker before he lunged forward to capture her mouth with his.

Her reflexes kicked in and she began matching his rhythm with her own. Her hands had snaked their way around his shoulders drawing him closer. She felt one of his hands sneak their way down to the crook of her knee in response.

With her attention _occupied_ , he managed to pull her down by the knee, laying her flat against their bed before following her down. Artemis gasped as he pressed his body flush against hers, refusing to break their kiss.

He used her surprise to his advantage, gaining access to her mouth, and sending her mind back into a daze. Artemis absentmindedly ran her hands down the length of his back, subconsciously fiddling with the fabric of his worn out t-shirt. She was disappointed upon realizing that there were far too many layers between them-

A series of loud beeps burst throughout the room.

Artemis was snapped out of her daze. She struggled against his grip to reach her phone, ignoring his protests. She hit the 'answer' button and was suddenly bombarded with several voices demanding to know where she was.

She released a sigh before running a hand over her burning face. Artemis was hit with hazy memories of an empty suitcase and her impending doom while the voices continued to rage from her phone.

She peered at the clothes she was wearing to find them covered in wrinkles; She ran a hand through her locks realizing that they were irreversibly tangled together. She glared at her husband who was smirking lazily at her misfortune. His fiery hair was completely disheveled and his freckled face was flushed red. She tried to ignore the heat creeping up her neck while he brazenly gazed at her.

After what seemed like an eternity of stifling tension, she submitted to the warmth curling in her abdomen while her gaze roamed over him.

Her steel eyes locked onto his and she finally recognized the feeling mixed up with his mirth.

It wasn't lust to which she was no stranger to.

It was something else, something that was intoxicating enough to leave her breathless.

It was longing.

"Artemis?" a voice said from her phone, cutting off her train of thought.

"Yes," she said, keeping her gaze on her husband, a smirk still plastered onto his face, "I'm here"

"Where are you?" a voice, she vaguely recognized as M'Gann's called out.

"I'm…. on my way" she said, trying to steady her dissonant heart beat, "I'm just going to be… very _very_ late"

* * *

 **Thank you for reading, hope to see you for the next one.**

 **Author.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: There may be an important bit about shopping carts/trolleys but you can totally just skip this**

 **Ok, so it's been a long time since I last updated but I'm in the middle of procrastinating about three assignments, a presentation and three more case studies give or take a few. Also exams are around the corner but none of that matters because I suddenly found the strange desire to finish writing this chapter that had been ready for editing for months. I may regret my decisions later but I can't say I didn't enjoy writing this chapter.**

 **Disclaimer: This is not mine, really. (If only essay referencing was like this)**

 **Title: red-heads and fruit**

 **Description: This is really just written as fluff, maybe it could count as comedy? Anyway, Artemis and Wally receive unexpected visitors and furniture is in peril.**

 **Also on a side note, I'm not sure about this but where I live we refer to shopping carts as shopping trolleys or sometimes we use baskets, just in case anyone gets confused about carts or trolleys.**

 **I don't think there's any other glaring language issue.**

 **So on to the story -**

* * *

"Artemis" a voice purred over the phone, "I hope I'm not interrupting anything"

"What do you want Jade?" Artemis said, smoothing over invisible wrinkles on her clothes. At the mention of her sister Wally sped over to press an ear next to the phone.

"Can't a girl call once in a while to check on her little sister?" Jade said, her voice dripping in amusement with just a dash of condescension thrown in.

Artemis had never been privy to what her sister found so hilarious. However, she had learned that whatever Jade found entertaining spelled inconvenience. She was just thankful that these days, Jade's definition of 'inconvenience' had been downgraded from murdering her teammates to infuriating her boyfriend.

Although, she was considering murdering Wally if he didn't give her some breathing room. Artemis elbowed him away as she sharply pressed the loudspeaker button.

"What do you want?" Artemis repeated pointedly ignoring her question.

"I'm just calling to see how your co-habitation with Flash boy is going" she said.

"It was _Kid Flash_ " Wally said through gritted teeth before he could help himself. Artemis elbowed him again, silently mouthing something about not stooping to a murdering assassin's level.

"So, you two _are_ still together" Jade said, ignoring his correction, "You know Artemis, if this cohabitation thing doesn't work out you should pick up the big, dark and angry one, now _he_ is one _tall_ drink of water"

Wally pointedly glared at his girlfriend, waiting for some sort of remark in his defense. Artemis couldn't help herself from smirking at Wally's frustration. Connor _was_ deliciously handsome, her relationship with the 'Boy of Steel' may have been platonic but she's never been one to deny the truth when she sees it.

"Our co-habitation happens to be _very_ successful _Jade_ " Wally said, in an attempt to remind Artemis of that fact as well.

"Careful now, you two don't want to be _too_ successful" Jade goaded, "We don't want any happy accidents occurring any time soon"

Wally's mouth opened and closed several times producing nothing but unintelligible sounds while a furious blush spread like wildfire across his cheeks. He looked between the phone and Artemis repeatedly, waiting for something to jumpstart his brain.

"Speaking of happy accidents," Artemis intervened, saving her boyfriend from suffering another defeat from Jade's verbal attacks, making a mental note to tease him about it later, "Has my niece started throwing knives yet?"

"Not yet but she's working up to it" Jade replied proudly, "She's dying to see you again"

Wally blanched, the memories of the first time he met Roy's little tyke flitting through his mind like a hurricane.

"Well, I tell her I miss her too" Artemis said, shooting Wally a strange look while he tried to blink away the memories of his suffering.

"Perfect" said Jade.

"Jade, what do you-" Artemis said before her sister hung up, emphasized by a loud beep.

Before she could set down her phone a series of loud knocks echoed from their front door. Wally sped over and had barely unlocked their door before it was thrown open. He gaped at the sight of the assassin smirking at him from his front step. He suppressed the desire to shut the door in her face; he knew that she would just break it down anyway and that's not something his goofy charm could smooth over with their grouchy old landlady.

"cozy" she said, eyeing their home, "well, aren't you going to welcome me in _flash boy_?"

"Does the term _secret_ identity mean anything to you?" Wally hissed, his eyes darting around the surrounding area in case there were any unsuspecting neighbors passing through.

"Oh please, Artemis never even bothered with a codename" said Jade, grinning widely at his flustered state, "and I _gave_ you my mask. Secret Identities aren't all that"

"Excuse me, I _took_ that mask" Wally said spitefully, "as a trophy of your defeat"

"Because walking freely in broad daylight makes me feel so defeated" Jade laughed, "oh and I want the sai back, it was one of my favorites"

"I'd like to see you laugh after-"

"Wally" Artemis said, elbowing him in the same spot as last time. Wally only glowered at her in response, feeling both bruised and affronted.

Artemis ignored Wally's silent protests. Her amusement over the situation had finally run out and she didn't want to explain to their neighbors why she had to break up a brawl between her sister and her boyfriend.

Jade's hip was cocked to one side while her eyes flitted between the young couple in front of her while she readjusted the bag resting over her shoulders carefully, trying not to jostle her precious cargo. She really enjoyed successfully shaking things up with these two, it was one of her less-violent hobbies. She couldn't let her sister fall into domestic complacency so easily, not until she had had her fun with Artemis at least.

"As entertaining as your lover's quarrels are, I've got places to go and people to see" Jade said, carefully taking off her backpack and taking something out of it.

"Jade what is that-"

Before Artemis could finish an 18-month old baby was nestled firmly in her arms and Wally was now carrying Jade's bag which was much heavier than Jade had made it out to be.

"Anything Lian will need should be in there" she said, smirking at the shell-shocked couple, "I have some _business_ to take care of with Red, so I'll be back in a day"

Jade gave a parting kiss to her daughter before vanishing from their sight along with the early morning shadows.

* * *

"I really hate it when she does that" Wally said, dropping the bag inside, still feeling salty from Jade's visit. Artemis carefully balanced the baby in her arm while rubbing her temples with her free hand. She peered down at the red head in her arms, relieved to find her still sound asleep.

"So" Wally said, eyeing the blonde archer and the 'bundle of joy' in her arms carefully, "I was actually just about to-"

"Don't" Artemis said in a low voice to prevent waking the baby.

"I didn't even-" said Wally, rubbing the back of his neck.

"It doesn't matter," Artemis said, all humor evaporating from her voice, "you are not leaving me alone with this baby"

"C'mon Artemis!" Wally hissed, trying to keep his voice low, "you remember what happened the last time we babysat Lian?"

"You brought that on yourself" Artemis retorted, standing between him and the door, blocking his only route of escape, "You were the one that had agreed to babysit for Roy"

"I was young then" Wally said wistfully, a shiver running down his spine at the memory, "I didn't know how the world worked yet"

"Wally, that was a week ago" Artemis said flatly.

"Point still stands" he replied.

"Wally she met you for the first time last week" Artemis explained, eyeing him for any sudden movements, she was thankful he couldn't vibrate through solid objects yet, "It's normal for babies to be uncomfortable around strangers"

"Normal?!" Wally said, winding up even further, "It's normal for babies to wail around strangers, it's normal for babies to scream around strangers but it is NOT normal for a baby to _assault_ strangers with their _baby bottles_!"

Artemis couldn't help the chuckle escaping from her lips at the memory of the heroic Kid Flash defeated by baby bottles. _Naturally_ , she had to commemorate such a glorious battle via video and it wasn't her fault Dick had _somehow_ gotten his hands on the evidence and subsequently shared it with the rest of their team.

"Artemis, assault is not a laughing matter" Wally said, shooting glares at the perpetrator dozing away in his girlfriend's arms.

Artemis had had her fun and Wally was forced to bite back any more complaints as Lian was carefully albeit forcefully placed in his arms.

"What are you doing?!" he said, his eyes rapidly shooting between his girlfriend and the devil's spawn on his person.

"I'm going to take a shower" she said, a half smile etched on her face, "so just watch her until I get back"

"How am I supposed to survive if she wakes up?" he hissed, awkwardly holding the baby, half expecting it to blow up just to spite him.

"Feed her breakfast" Artemis said, shuffling through the bag Jade had given them, finding the jars of mushy sweet potato, silently hoping that they weren't stolen. Wally eyed them carefully, memories of last time still scarring him.

"How can you abandon me for… for… personal hygiene?!" Wally said, rigidly accepting the jars of baby food while his girlfriend sauntered away, chuckling at his misfortunes.

* * *

When Artemis stepped out of the shower, she heard several piercing squeals echoing through their house accompanied by high pitched giggling. Wrapping her hair up in a towel, she rushed to the last place she left Wally and Lian to find her niece gurgling happily on the couch while Wally was shrieking as he ducked for cover to avoid the spoons of baby food hurtling towards him.

She stood admiring the scene her niece had likely caused. The bag she had brought with her was turned upside down, its contents spilled onto the floor. There was a half-assembled baby chair sprawled in front of their television whilst their couch cushions had either spilled over or Wally was using them to protect himself from her niece's incoming attacks. Her niece was perched happily on their couch, enjoying the food Wally had attempted to feed her. A grin had settled on the toddler's face, reminding her far too much of the toddler's mother.

"For what it's worth, you're doing a lot better than last time" she said, catching the attention of her oh so heroic boyfriend. Artemis bit back a grin as Wally, who was splattered with baby food, gave her a withering glare.

"How can _this_ be better than last time" Wally said, using a pillow as a makeshift shield, "Don't just stand there, Save me!"

Artemis enjoyed Wally's suffering for at least another thirty-three seconds before she put a stop to this showdown while some of her furniture was still salvageable.

"Alright my little perpetrator, you've terrorized Kid Flash enough for today" Artemis said firmly, removing all hints of laughter from her voice.

The baby stopped her pursuit and finally noticed her aunt approaching her. Artemis fought to keep a straight face while she stared the baby down. She tried her best to ignore the slight widening of the baby's eyes as she was caught red handed. Lian dropped the spoon she was wielding and reached her plump arms up towards her aunt. Artemis couldn't resist Lian's cuteness and complied with the toddler's wishes, cradling her in her arms while she cooed at the child.

"How can you coo at a time like this?" Wally seethed behind his cushion.

"Oh, you didn't mean to assault Wally did you?" Artemis said, nuzzling Lian's head.

"Can you even hear me?" Wally said, dropping his pillow-shield, "Hello, earth to Artemis?"

Artemis turned towards the other red head in the room to find Wally standing over her, completely affronted as he pointedly glared at the pair of them.

"She decimated our living room" Wally said, still feeling betrayed.

"Wally the living room will be fine" Artemis said, a smirk on her face.

"Well then what about my pride Artemis?" Wally said, sulking while he tried to wipe off the splattering of baby food covering him, "My pride has just been stepped on!"

"Wally your pride is used to getting stepped on all the time," Artemis said, grabbing a wet wipe to help him, "Now it's just being stepped on by an adorable baby with excellent aim"

"It is not adorable" Wally said through gritted teeth, irritated that Artemis could remotely find the child adorable, "It is an undercover assassin sent here to make me suffer"

"Alright, alright, go get yourself cleaned up and I'll finish feeding our little undercover assassin" she said, her eyebrows raised in amusement.

Wally, let out a string of stifled complaints, while he left their company.

Artemis felt a gust of wind stir through the room and found everything back in its place, the baby chair yet to be assembled and the water was already running in the bathroom.

"Thank you" she called after him, a smirk on her face while she returned to playing with her niece.

* * *

"This is…. a… terrible idea" Wally said, struggling to place Lian in the trolley's designated baby seat, "Stop wiggling!"

When his efforts were answered by high pitched squeals of protests he decidedly turned to his girlfriend who was enjoying this situation far too much.

"Your niece refuses to accept her temporary imprisonment on this baby seat" Wally huffed, glaring at the child babbling victoriously. To emphasize his point Lian began to kick her short legs at his hands, "Will you help me already?" Wally huffed, holding Lian at an awkward distance.

"Oh, you're doing so well" Artemis replied, a wide grin etched on to her face while she began immortalizing this moment on video.

" _This_ is not 'well'" Wally said, dividing his glare between Lian and Artemis.

"I wasn't talking to _you_ " Artemis said, smirking as Wally attempted to snatch the phone from her hands, almost dropping Lian in the process.

"Artemis" Wally pleaded, his brows furrowing at the mocking he would have to endure at the hands of his fellow teammates when news of this escapade got out.

"Alright, alright" Artemis laughed, securing her phone in her back pocket, "I'll save you my damsel in distress"

"This criminal is no damsel in distress," Wally said while they worked together to lock Lian into the trolley's baby seat.

"I wasn't talking to _her_ " Artemis said, enjoying the bemused look on the former heroes face.

Artemis sobered quickly when Wally let out a deep sigh, glaring pointedly at his girlfriend and her little accomplice. Five years of holding together their tumultuous relationship kept Artemis well versed in Wally's levels of frustration; she could see that this was bordering on level 3 meaning this wouldn't go away with a good meal.

"Wally, why don't you try and give Lian a chance?" Artemis said, linking her arm through his and leaning against him, trying her best to ease some of the frustration she had caused, "I know how much you like kids"

"I like kids" Wally said, eyeing Artemis' position warily, "But I can't survive a kid that both hates me and has good aim"

"She doesn't hate you" Artemis said, pulling Wally closer, reminding him that resistance was futile, "You just had a bad first impression"

"And you and I both know how hard it is to get rid of first impressions" Wally said, unconsciously leaning in towards Artemis' warmth, "I distinctly remember my first impression of you"

"Oh and what was that _Wall-man_?" Artemis said, smirking at the hazy memory of a fifteen-year-old boy stumbling through the zeta tubes decked out in full swimwear.

"That you were a mysterious albeit attractive archer sent to cause me an immense amount of pain and frustration" Wally said, a smile replacing the glare previously settled on his face. Artemis laughed in response, pulling away to punch him in the shoulder.

"And I'm still correct" Wally said, hiding a grimace while he rubbed his victimized shoulder.

"My point is" Artemis said, her steely eyes meeting briefly with his, "First impressions can be changed"

"I'm pretty sure most of the things I said still stand true" Wally said, giving Artemis a levelled gaze.

"Do you know what my first impression of you was?" Artemis said, ignoring the urge to punch him again.

"Dashing, heroic, a gift from the gods themselves," Wally said, waggling his eyebrows, "Sound about right?"

"No" Artemis said, a smirk on her face, gladly giving in to the urge and playfully punched him, "I was thinking more along the lines of obnoxious, loud mouthed, idiotic, scrawny, maybe a little perverted..."

"Alright, alright, I get it" Wally said, elbowing Artemis and effectively stopping her tirade.

"But now you're-"

"Dashing? Heroic? A gift from the-"

"Improved" Artemis said, brushing her lips against Wally's cheek, "So give the kid a chance"

"Fine" Wally said, a glint in his eyes. Appeased Artemis decided to leave the two red heads to their half of the shopping.

"but I'll need a lot more motivation than a peck on the cheek to deal with this piece of work" he called after Artemis as she walked ahead to begin their shopping.

* * *

"Where is your aunt?" Wally said, looking out for a flash of blonde hair. He was left alone with Lian as soon as the automatic doors to Palo Alto's finest supermarket had swished open. Artemis had called out something about 'bonding time' while she ninja'd away. He needed to have a serious talk with her about 'Uncle' endangerment _if_ they made it home later.

He had pushed the trolley all the way to the fruits and vegetables aisle and there was still no sign of the blonde archer. He was shocked out of his search by a burst of giggles and a soft clunking noise rolling behind him.

He looked down to see Lian was still in the trolley's baby seat sucking her thumb happily. She was far too happy for Wally's liking. He looked behind her into his trolley to find it was much emptier than it was three aisles ago. He turned around to find several cans of tuna and a packet of oreos rolling away to the frozen foods aisle. He turned back to find Lian looking back up at him innocently.

"…" he sighed, pinching his nose between his thumb and forefinger as he tried to remind himself that there is no baby-jail yet for infant criminals. He stood trying to decide if he should attempt to teach a baby the intricacies of appropriate supermarket behavior.

"This isn't over" he said, parking his trolley before sprinting back down the aisle to fetch the runaway goods. Before he could pick up his offended oreos a packet of Cheetos brazed past him. He spun towards his trolley to find Lian gurgling happily, gearing up to chuck a loose potato at him.

"Don't-" Wally said before a potato hurtled towards him. He managed to catch it just before it smacked into his forehead.

"Ha!" he shouted triumphantly, Lian could only giggle in response as she began chucking anything else within her reach at him. Wally had managed to catch them all. Wally would be impressed if he didn't have to hunt down the rest of his tuna cans later.

"Really kid?" Wally said, trying to balance an assortment of fruits and vegetables in one arm, "That the best you got"

Wally briefly registered the grin form on Lian's face before more produce was thrown his way. Wally barely had enough time to spill the produce onto a random shelf before he could catch two mangoes. Wally was used to her aiming pattern by now and was mitigating any potential damage she could cause. He was beginning to laugh along with Lian's squeals, in between fruits hurtling towards him at impressive speed for a baby. He didn't even realize Lian had moved on to the citrus section until a smacking noise accompanied with a worrisome crunch echoed through the aisle. Wally looked to see some five-year old kid had wandered into Lian's range of fire and received a tangerine to the schnozzle as punishment. The kid looked horrified as his gaze flitted between the tangerine and Lian, before finally bursting into tears.

"Uh-oh" Wally said.

"If Artemis aks" Wally said, holding Lian on his lap, "This was all your fault"

The pair were now lounging outside the supermarket after being forcibly removed by security. Wally felt eyes glaring holes into his head and turned to find a plump middle aged woman looking at him while she towed a sniffling five year old behind her. Wally at least had the gall to look sheepish. It's not like Lian knew the kid had a weak nose prone to bleeding after being smacked with a tangerine.

Lian continued to string together half words and sounds as she babbled to him intently, looking immensely pleased with herself.

"I'm glad one of us enjoyed this" Wally said, his chin resting in his hand while he cursed Roy for procreating. Wally shifted uncomfortably as Lian attempted to climb into his arms. Wally stared down at the baby cradled in his arms, leaning against his chest while she drooled all over the sleeves of his shirt. Her eyes, which were far too large for her little face met his and the baby began to gurgle enthusiastically, squealing excitedly whenever Wally squeezed her cheeks.

Wally West was capable of a lot of things. He could break the sound barrier in his sneakers. He could heal his broken bones overnight. He could not, no matter how much suffering it was going to cause him later, resist this baby's cuteness.

"You" Wally said, holding Lian up, so he could look at her eye to eye, "Are far too much like your aunt"

"And what's wrong with that?" Artemis said, hands full with several shopping bags.

"I didn't do it" Wally blurted out.

"By 'it' do you mean breaking a kids nose with a tangerine or arguing with the kid's mother about his weak nose" Artemis said, an eyebrow raised.

"The kid does have a weak nose" Wally said, slightly hiding behind Lian, "the tangerine wasn't even that hard…it was a tangerine"

"It doesn't matter, how could both of you get banned from the supermarket?!" Artemis said.

"It was only one supermarket" Wally said, while he gave Lian to Artemis and took their shopping bags, "There's more than one supermarket in Palo Alto"

"Wally you're banned from the whole chain" Artemis said.

"We were bonding" Wally said, "How was I supposed to know there were going to be casualties?"

"This was a terrible idea" Artemis sighed, running a hand over her face while she stared down at the two partners in crime.

* * *

"Isn't this overdoing it a little?" Artemis said, eyeing the mountain of plush guarding Lian preventing her from moving an inch while she slept on the bed.

"You do realize that if Lian got so much as a single boo boo both her parents could murder us in cold blood" Wally said, while Artemis eyed Wally's great wall of plush from the doorway.

"Don't be ridiculous" Artemis said, leaning against the doorframe, "Jade would at least torture us first"

Wally chuckled silently as he looked over his carefully assembled masterpiece to check on Lian. Seeing the steady rise and fall of her chest lulled him into a sense of comfort.

"You know she's actually pretty adorable when she's not causing mass destruction" Wally said absentmindedly, a smile tugging at his lips.

"The same could be said for you" Artemis quipped, mirroring Wally's smile with her own.

"Hey" Wally said, looking extremely offended, "I happen to be adorable all the time"

Artemis responded by wordlessly grabbing a loose plushie to smack him upside the head before setting Lian's baby monitor on the side-table. Wally was nursing a sore neck, as he followed Artemis to their living room couch.

"Let's just be glad she finally fell asleep" Wally said.

"All that criminal activity must have tuckered her out" Artemis said, smirking at him.

"I told you, that kid's nose was-"

"Relax, Wally, you did good today" Artemis said, as they settled into the couch.

"Well, She didn't die on our watch" Wally said, "I'm sure that counts for something"

"I'm sure Jade and Roy really appreciate that" Artemis said dryly, "But seriously, you did great with Lian today, she seems to have really warmed up to you"

"I don't know about 'warmed up' but I've at least leveled up from target practice" he said.

"Promise me you'll try not to injure unsuspecting five-year old's next time" Artemis said.

"Next time?" Wally replied.

"Oh please, my sister your and your friend, we're lucky this is the only baby they have _right now_ " Artemis said.

* * *

 **A/N again:**

 **Ok so I realised somewhere along the line that this chapter is mainly dialogue. There was very little I could do to change that. Ok that's a lie I apologise for that. I don't have it in me right now to try and fix it. There were too many things that I wanted to change, I wasn't happy with the flow of a lot of the sentences or the dialogue and the balance of dialogue and 'non-dialogue?'. So any constructive criticism would be great. One more thing if anyone can provide me with a solution as to how I could possibly write faster and edit faster (both for fanfiction and for neuroscience essays) I would be eternally grateful.**

 **Thanks for reading.**


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